aka Leigh and Bloom versus the Melee Warlock

What is it with warlocks and Razorfen Kraul? Seriously guys, maybe you should just go quest during those levels.

Sadly we have no memory of this warlock’s name, or perhaps that’s fortunate for his case. Because if a person’s goal in life is to never become part of another group’s ongoing in-joke selection, then I’m sorry, mysterious warlock, but you have failed that goal.

Leigh and Bloom trundled into RFK as they often did in their mid-20s, and found themselves in a group with two warlocks. How did we tell them apart, you ask? Well, it was easy. One of them was standing back casting, as warlocks do, while the other was running up and engaging the mobs in melee combat with his staff.

Now, I play a ledge-climbing, violence-deploring, veggie-eating, mana-spring-adoring druid, so I’m the last person to get upset at a little roleplaying if he had something going on. It was also possible (maybe?) that he didn’t know warlocks were supposed to use spells. Perhaps he saw all those warriors and rogues up there swinging with their weapons and thought to himself, hells yes, I’mma get me some deeps. Even though, y’know … it was the heirloom staff. You never know, right? So we asked him why he was using his staff.

He replied, matter-of-factly, that he was skilling up his weapon.

Now, I don’t know, maybe we’re the bad guys here, but why the good gorramn would anyone, especially someone who has played enough to have an heirloom, try to level up their staves weapon skill during a random dungeon run?

First off, you’re there as part of a group. That group is killing bosses, gaining experience, and rolling on loot drops. If you’re not contributing in some positive manner to the run, then all you’re doing is leeching loot, experience, and money drops off the rest of the group. The damage you do while skilling up a weapon, especially as a caster, is nonexistent; you might as well not even be there.

Second, you’re a frigging warlock. You come with your own tanky voidwalker who will happily keep a mob’s attention while you swing away with your staff out in the world, allowing you to skill it up without wasting anyone else’s time. Well, okay, maybe the voidwalker won’t be happy. But he’ll damn well do it if he knows what’s good for him.

And lastly … and I’ll say this slowly so that, if you ever read this, you will understand … You. Are. A. Warlock. You will never need to swing your staff at something. Ever. Period. You could be flat out of mana and it would still be better to stand back and use your wand. I myself, as a healer, have a staves skill of 3. I think I gained those two points by accidentally taking whiffs at enemy totems.

I know, I know, there’s an achievement for having enough weapon skills at 400/400. But even if you’re that concerned about gaining that achivement on an alt, there are many, many better ways to do it than leeching on an RFK run to get your skill up to 100-something.

Leigh’s favourite part came when the second warlock, the one who was actually casting spells, complained that he was having to carry the melee warlock. One glance at the Recount window revealed that Leigh was in fact doing about 60% of the group’s damage, with the second warlock doing about 20-25% and the other dps doing the remainder. Leighroy informed the second warlock that, actually, it was her who was carrying the melee lock. Really, at that point, she was pretty much carrying everyone.

The melee lock eventually got enough skill points and joined in with some spells. Leigh still ended up with a good 50% of the group’s damage (40-50% of the overall damage has been a common result for her well into the 40s, including one Zul’Farrak run where she scored 54%). And we ended up with a lasting in-joke. Whenever someone in a group of ours apologizes for low dps, we tell them that it’s okay — at least they’re not a melee warlock.

Moral: If you’re taking part in a group’s success, please at least try to contribute to that success. We’ll forgive you if your gear is bad or if you don’t have enough AoE to compete with the mage. We’ll forgive you if you’re still figuring things out or if you’re distracted by your dog. But if you’re not even attempting to do anyone any good, not even after your idiocy is pointed out to you, then hey, I’m sorry, but you’re just a melee warlock.

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