aka Leigh and Bloom versus the Impatient DPS

It should be noted before we launch into our very first story, that this is not necessarily a blog about dps who put up low numbers. Trust me, we’ve seen some impossibly low numbers out there, such as a shaman doing 50 dps in a Zul’Farrak run. Low numbers happen, we kill stuff anyways.

When we talk about “bad dps”, we’re not talking numbers. We’re talking about that dps. You know the one I mean. The one who is arrogant, who is annoying, who pulls stupid stunts that force us to be extra-awesome in order to clean up and save them, who refuse to listen to common sense, et cetera. These are the tales of the dps who make us shake our heads, and who often find themselves on our ignore list so that we never have to group with them again.

If we’d been thinking, we would have been taking screenshots all along to illustrate our older stories, our pre-50 stories. Alas, such screenshots do not exist, and we will not always remember the name of the player or players involved in these pre-50 adventures. Yet we have eight such stories to tell, and then we will be able to move on to bold new misadventures in a post-50 world.

Our very first tale was also our very first encounter with the type of dps we’re talking about.

Way back in the mists of history, Leigh and Bloom teamed up and entered Shadowfang Keep. One of our dps was a retribution paladin from the Gorgonnash server by the name of Create. He was wearing the shaman heirloom shoulders, but he had good dps numbers. Unfortunately, he was incredibly impatient, and as Yoda would tell him, impatience leads to asshole-ism, and asshole-ism leads to death.

Leighroy was tanking Shadowfang as she always tanks, taking on enough to be burned down quickly and efficiently without any troubles or nasty surprises, the way a good tank should. We were moving along at a decent pace, but this was not fast enough for Create.

He began to goad Leigh into more speed, and started running ahead of the group to pull extra mobs, increasing our speed but creating (haha) unnecessary confusion on top of being that dps that all tanks and healers hate — the one who pulls mobs.

Leigh attempted to reign him in, but he would have none of it. The conflict culminated after the Odo boss fight, when Create called Leigh a bad tank, and then he turned Righteous Fury on and ran off ahead of the group to start pulling and tanking more mobs himself.

So Leigh and I let him do his thing. He seemed so happy, it would have been a shame for us to interfere. He ran into the next room and aggroed a large group of mobs, tanking them with his two-handed weapon. Leigh and I went past him and took on the next group of mobs ourselves, leaving him behind. Create griped bitterly that he didn’t need us anyway, and attempted to heal himself with Holy Light.

He died.

“Oops,” said Bloom in party chat. “Sorry. You must be a bad tank.” She then informed him that she only heals people who don’t insult her real tank.

Leigh and I went on without rezzing him, because we don’t like to waste our precious mana like that. One of the other dps could rez, though, and brought Create back to life. He called me a douche, but then mercifully he shut up and did his job for the rest of the run, which went smoothly again. He left the party the moment the loot was handed out, and entered our ignore list — the first of many.

Moral: don’t be the impatient dps who pulls mobs and insults the tank for not going as fast as you’d like. If you want to control the speed of a run, roll your own damn tank. Running a dungeon isn’t just about you, and if you have some pressing appointment you need to make, maybe you shouldn’t have queued up in the first place. If you insist on being that annoying dps who pulls mobs and insults the tank, don’t be surprised if the healer ignores you and the tank moves on without your sorry ass. And remember, if you get so bad that we kick you, we’ll still be finished and in a new dungeon with a new group before you’ve reached the top of that endless dps queue again.